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I’m Not Ready for Sex But I’m Feeling Pressured. Should I Give In?

I’m the girl who doesn’t want to have sex, but everyone around me is doing it. Should I give in? I’m freaked out about STDs and I just don’t want to give up my virginity so soon (I’m 13). We just moved from a small town to near the state capital. Things are changing so fast and it seems like teens are even more pressured to have sex here. Most of the girls are smoking. I ask if they are going to quit and they look at me like I’m some freak. I’m the odd girl out and I am sick of it. I don’t think guys even like me!
– Kamalia*

We all develop at our own pace — some earlier, some later. It’s all normal, all OK. What’s important is to pay attention to your own pace and respect it, to know what you feel ready for and what you don’t. There’s no rush. It’s good to take your time.

Your common sense (about smoking, STDs, and sex) shows you’re more mature than lots of people your age. It’s hard to feel like the odd one out. But there are others who feel like you, even in a big town. Find friends based on your interests, friends you can have fun with. There are guys and girls out there who aren’t interested in rushing into sex (we know because we often get questions just like yours!).

There’s plenty of time for things to happen for you. By taking things at a pace that’s right for you, you’ll build a stronger sense of self-respect and self-confidence!

Reviewed by: D’Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: October 2013

*Names have been changed to protect user privacy.